Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
