We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize