Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
God, I missed his penis.
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