I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
