I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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