Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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