Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
