I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?