she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.