guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.