This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.