my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.