the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do