No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
