Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
