He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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