My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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