Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
