my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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