i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize