I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
