If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
