I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
