there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
