I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
