Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
