Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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