Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
