I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
