Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
