I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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