I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not