you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.