shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex