Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
