why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
