You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
