you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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