I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
