I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
did i just pee glitter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
