while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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