thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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