You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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