Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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