if i can run in heels then i can drive
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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