I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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