I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
