Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
