I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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