so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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