Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
