My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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