yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
