Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
youre lurking in front of me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
