i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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