please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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