why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
