where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize