so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
