ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
