dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
